What Parents Can Do
To Help Their Troubled Teen
Most likely, you’ve reached this page because you’re seeking help for your troubled teen, or you’re even researching adolescent treatment programs for your troubled teen. Whatever the reason, it’s not unusual for you to be experiencing a number of strong emotions and thoughts. Desperation. Anger. Hopelessness. Guilt. Failure. If you’re like most parents of a troubled teen, you long for a pleasant day, for a family meal without conflict, for a night without worrying. You remember the happy, smiling face of your child not too long ago and wish you could turn back time to those simpler days.
Many parents who are exploring the possibility of adolescent treatment for their troubled teen are thinking one of two things: 1) “I’m desperate and will do anything I have to do to make this better” or 2) “I’m desperate and just can’t handle this anymore and need someone else who can deal with it.” Either way, we are here to help.
Another common thought you may be having is “Where did I go wrong?” This is because we as parents feel responsible for our children’s well-being and behavior. Except in the most extreme cases, however, parents can’t be held directly responsible for the behavior of their children.
Besides parenting style, many factors influence the choices a child makes: genetics and other biological factors, temperament, friends, attitudes about school, early experiences, personal beliefs and ways of processing information, and more. None of them solely determine a child’s behavior. Ultimately, children will make their own choices. As much as a parent might want to choose a child’s friends, the truth is that it is done by the child. The best a parent can hope to do is influence the selection or try to control some accessibility to various people. And we all know how difficult this can be!
Stanton Samenow (1989), in his book Before It’s Too Late, offers a discussion of the role of parents in the development of antisocial behaviors in their children. He says, “many well-meaning counselors and other mental health professionals are convinced that the cause of a child’s bad behavior is bad parenting. I couldn’t disagree more!”
At EYA we encourage people to take responsibility for their actions. By that we mean, if mistakes have been made, people should acknowledge them so that they can actively make things better. When a child is struggling at school or at home, it may well be that a parent can do something to help. This is not the same as saying the parent has caused the problem. It only means that often, it is up to the parent to help in the healing process.
The earlier these improvements can be made, the better. Again, quoting from Dr. Samenow, “I recognize that there are things parents can do before they reach that point of desperation at which they call upon outsiders such as police, courts, or therapists”
Unfortunately, sometimes things have gone beyond the ability of a parent to handle. In these cases, outside help must be sought. Ideally, this help can be a natural part of the family’s environment (extended family, close friends, the school, a church, or a social organization). When this is not possible, or proves to be inadequate to meet the challenges faced, other external support may be needed. This is when organizations such as Eckerd Academy can be of help.
If we can assist you in finding the proper resources, we want to do that. If one of our programs is appropriate for your situation, we want you to know that we strive to make all of our programs the best they can be. We recognize the difficult situation parents face when a child is having serious problems and we will do what we can to help.
