Ten Communication Strategies for Parents of Teenagers

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As children enter adolescence, they tend to distance themselves from other members of the family, especially their parents. This trend presents a unique challenge for parents; they want to continue sharing with their teens and keeping them safe, but often face obstacles in communicating. Although communicating with a teenager may not be easy, several strategies will help to open the lines of communication between parents and teenagers.

1. Practice active listening. With this technique, when the teen finishes a thought or comment, the parent summarizes what was said, and identifies the predominant emotion the teen was expressing. For instance, if a teen has just finished a tirade about how much she hates her Spanish teacher, an active listening response might be, “It sounds like you’re struggling in that class. You must feel frustrated.”
2. Focus on the positive. Resist the urge to harp on faults and mistakes. Instead, focus on accomplishments, interests, and successes. Acknowledge positive choices and behavior.
3. Have conversations without trying to make a point. It is tempting to slip in a lesson or lecture any time a teen seems to be listening. Instead, allow the teenager to direct the conversation toward his/her interests and concerns.
4. Avoid inducing a “shut down.” Long-winded lectures and excessive questioning usually cause teens to tune out a parent.
5. Think before speaking. Rather than immediately vetoing a teen’s request, have the courage to say, “I’ll think about that and get back to you.” Be sure to revisit the topic, and explain the rationale behind the decision.
6. Create opportunities for communication. Teens and parents can only communicate if they are together. Invite teens on outings, even if it is only errands. They may not always accept, but at least they know the opportunity will be there.
7. Use the “information drop” to relay important information. Find a reputable newspaper article or book about the topic, and leave it somewhere the teen will definitely see it, such as the dining room table, bathroom, or even the teen’s bedroom. A teen is more likely to accept information that comes from a neutral third party, than to internalize a long lecture about hormones or teen driving.
8. Know that the teen does not expect a fix. When teens communicate with their parents, they are usually looking for understanding, rather than a solution or explanation. Expressing that understanding is central to effective communication.
9. Avoid power struggles and confrontations. The goal of communication should be reaching compromise. Whenever possible, include the teen in making decisions and setting consequences for behavior.
10. Remember that it is natural for communication to decrease during adolescence. Teens are beginning to practice autonomous decision making, and will probably consult their parents for guidance less frequently. Parents should know that this is a natural part of growing up, rather than cause for concern or overreaction.

Although communicating with a teenager can be daunting, using these strategies can promote effective, open communication between parents and teens.