?? Strategies for Helping Teens Choose Friends Wisely ??

?? The influence of peers on teens’ decisions is well documented. A teen's friends can significantly affect the teen's academic performance, propensity for risk taking, and overall conduct. While parents often feel powerless to impact their teens' peer relationship choices, studies indicate that there are, in fact, several steps that parents can take to encourage wise peer relationship choices. ??

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1. ?? Foster a warm, open relationship with the teen. This step often takes place before a child enters adolescence, but it is never too late to build a healthy, loving relationship with a child. Teens who enjoy a healthy and open relationship with their parents are less likely to participate in delinquent activities, and more likely to participate in extracurricular activities like sports and clubs. ??
   
   ?? The ideal parent-teen relationship is one with high involvement and low conflict, which requires striking a delicate balance. Families who are successful at maintaining this kind of relationship generally share three characteristics: they participate in activities together, communicate frequently, and express affection for one another. These are all skills that can be learned, and family counselors can help families practice these strategies. ??
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2. ?? Choose to live in an area with high-quality schools. Although living in the best school districts may not be economically feasible for every family, choosing a location for its excellent schools reinforces the importance of education. Furthermore, schools often earn an outstanding reputation because they have high expectations for students' academic achievement and behavior. ??
   
   ?? Students whose parents choose to live in an area with excellent schools show marked difference in peer choices. They tend to choose friends based on common extracurricular interests. Their peer groups tend to have higher average GPA's, and these teens are more likely to have plans to attend college. ??
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3. ?? Provide consistent monitoring and supervision of activities. Monitoring students' activities is connected to positive peer choices, but not as strongly as the factors mentioned above. However, when parents make an effort to be familiar with their child's friends, the child tends to select friends with more "pro-social" characteristics, such as friendliness and good manners. ??
   
   ?? The line between too much and too little involvement can be easy to cross, especially with teens. It is important to note that as teens get older and get more involved in extracurricular activities, greater autonomy is necessary. That autonomy actually encourages teens to socialize with people in these activities, in more structured interactions. ??
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4. ?? Teach teens adaptive behaviors. Children whose parents emphasize appropriate behavior and manners in social situations tend to choose friends with the same behavior patterns. That is because they learn to view these attributes as positive, and to seek them out in other people. Teaching children to identify and appreciate positive behaviors in others also helps them to choose peers with more desirable behavior patterns. ??
   
   ?? In contrast, parents should also teach their children refusal skills and boundary setting. Teens who have developed these skills are less likely to participate in delinquent behavior and make undesirable choices about peer relationships, because they feel confident in their ability to deflect negative interactions politely and firmly. ??
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?? A teenager's peers certainly influence the teen's choices and behavior, from wardrobe selection to academic performance. Although thoughtful and loving parenting will not completely mitigate this effect, it will help teens to choose friends who will support positive growth and development. ??