The Art of Active Listening: Five Steps to Effective Communication with Teens

---

Perhaps one of the greatest challenges of parenting is effective communication. It can be difficult to interpret teens' signals and respond appropriately, without criticism or strong emotion. One excellent tool for communication is the strategy of active listening. With practice, any parent can become a proficient active listener.

How to Become an Active Listener

Like all listening, active listening requires a mix of verbal and non-verbal signals, such as nodding or asking follow-up questions. What differentiates active listening, however, is the thoughtful, measured response to what the teen is saying. By following the steps below, parents can improve communication with their teens through active listening.

1. Engage in the conversation. This requires the listener to make the conversation the primary task. If necessary, temporarily pause other activities in order to focus more intently.
2. Process the content of what the speaker is saying. Identify the underlying emotions or concerns that the speaker is trying to convey.
3. Demonstrate interest through body language. Maintain an open posture and make sufficient eye contact. It is also important to maintain silence while the teen is talking.
4. When the teen has finished speaking, summarize what was said. Then identify the emotion that the teen conveyed. For instance, if the teen is talking about a difficult school project, an active listener might respond, "Wow, that seems like a tough one. It sounds like you're really frustrated."
5. Resist the urge to comment further, as the teen will then feel comfortable to elaborate, or to correct a misidentified emotion. Keep feelings and opinions in check, unless the teen invites feedback. This step is key to active listening, since it means the speaker leads the conversation.

Why Active Listening Works

Although active listening may seem like a collection of "tried and true" listening strategies, it is in fact a very deliberate, procedure-based method. The strategy has been applied in countless scenarios, from Fortune 500 boardrooms to refugee camps. Active listening is so versatile because it improves mutual understanding and depersonalizes sources of conflict. Therefore, it is highly successful for building strong communication between parents and teens.

• When parents actively listen, they do not offer advice or opinion. They simply process and restate what the teen has said. Teens are less likely to respond negatively if they do not feel they are being judged or lectured.
• An active listener invites the speaker to clarify or reinforce emotions or opinions through well-phrased statements and clarification questions. A parent who actively listens encourages the teen to practice identifying emotions and to elaborate with more information.
• Active listening cuts down on misunderstandings, since only one person is speaking at once. The act of listening attentively means that the conversation is necessarily one-sided, and the teen has undivided attention.

The benefits of active listening make it a worthwhile strategy for parents of teens. When applied to communication with teens, active listening improves engagement, minimizes misunderstandings, and creates a non-judgmental atmosphere conducive to sharing.